Monday, November 27, 2006

I see life as a PARADOX

A paradox is defined as a statement that contradicts itself, i.e. "'I always lie.' If it true it must be false."

I have come to the decision that all of society and life is a living paradox. IF EVERYONE IN LIFE IS TRUE, THEY MUST BE FALSE.

Doesn't that sound a little accurate? Those that claim they are closest and truest friends follow suit and end up "being true" by showing that they are false friends. They may have the truest of intentions, however, they let their own sentiments and opinions overshadow what is more meaningful....your feelings and emotions.

I write this insert into my list of opinions not so much for myself, but this time for everyone else and for one particular reader. No matter how many times you tell some one something they can still let it fade from memory. The best part about writing something out is that it is like making it permanently known. Once the words are published there is no way to undo the lasting impression they can have on someone. These words I write are to show that there is more to life then the false people we meet.

These "paradoxical" people will burn you time and again. The greatest part about being the people that we are is our ability to be resilient and bounce back. It is true that we may not always bounce as high as other times, but we still will bounce. The only down side is when a person finally gives up bouncing. I don't want you to stop. The phrase "sticks and stones" was never written by someone who has experienced the things said that some today have experienced. I have unfortunately been on both sides. As I have made clear in previous blogs, I am sorry.... However, those words will stick with you, one way or another, for life. That is why I am saying, forget about them and their hurtful, thoughtless words.

You can burn down a forest and it will sprout and grow back. You burn it enough times and not just the trees, but also the soil will be burned. Once that happens, it will die deep down inside and never truly be worth anything again. People can only bounce back on their own so many times before the momentum stops. If there isn't another person there to keep the momentum going deep down inside we will end up feeling like nothing is worth anything. No matter what some people may say or not say...I'm still here to help. I still plan on keeping everything bouncing along. No one is ever really alone, and just because some may act like a paradox towards us that doesn't mean all are.

What if someone finally is being sincere? Just keep asking yourself, "What about next time?" Not everyone will be false, there may be moments it may feel like it, but everyone gets someone that is genuine at least once in their lives. Your time is coming up if you haven't already gotten there. Let the skeletons out or keep them bottled up, it doesn't matter in the long run once you have reached that point because as long as you don't act "paradoxical" towards that someone, they have no reason to ever doubt you or turn their back on you in word or deed. There is more to life then what meets the eye, even if we don't ever want to believe it.

People will from time to time let reality seep in and see the deeper, honest meaning of things. Sometimes they will completely ignore it and move past. To each person is their own decision, I'm not trying to make it for them. However, just because they see something one way doesn't mean we have to let them "in" and let them burn our forest down. We can let the flame extinguish before it has time to ignite anything. That is what is great about that other person being there to help our momentum. It may be one person, it may be many people, but there are those that see us for our TRUE self. They can see past our shadows, secrets and our skeletons.

Our past may help form and define us; however, it doesn't make us. We all have control of our futures. WE ALL DECIDE WHAT KIND OF PERSON WE ARE AND HOW WE WANT TO LIVE AND ACT IN OUR FUTURES. No one's words can ever take that from us. They can't make us do what's right or wrong. Forget the bad, just remember you will always make mistakes. That is why they are called mistakes. The greatest part is that we can do the right thing just as easily.... what you feel is right. You are not alone...I won't let you be.

And that is me letting YOU know that I see something different then they do.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Fear is misunderstood

"The only thing to fear, is fear itself."

Franklin D. Roosevelt made that quote among many other memorable ones. The phrase can have dramatic meaning for some people, however, it can be totally disregarded by other people.

Why have I chosen this phrase to start off you ask? Simple reason, I think that is a profound statement just misunderstood. Roosevelt had a wonderful idea that would make people feel reassured, but that is the whole problem. They didn't need to feel reassured because they were the problem not their fear.

I have come to the conclusion that fear is more equivalent to a person lacking self confidence and assurance about one's self. They are just needing to boost their own ego in order to beat what they "fear." Due to not having confidence in them self in one category or another, they let the imagination run free and get the best of them. The best way to beat fear then would be to outsmart it.

As long as there is no doubt about a person's self being and worth there should be nothing to fear. Phobias are then meerly the brain and imagination dupping them. They "fear" spiders because they think spiders will bite them. However, if that person has the confidence in themselves to beat there mind, then they would realize that the spiders is smaller then there fingernail. This may not be a very good analogy, but I have a reason for bringing this all up. This is my reason...

Today in society we are all "afraid" of what others seem to think of us and who we are. That fear is nothing more then not having enough confidence in ourselves to be better then what most everyone out there thinks we are. It never really matters how people perceive us. "People" normally don't care about something if it doesn't have any impact of influence on their small little worlds. So in turn, the main reason a person would be showing "fear" is because they are worried more about that other person and how they are efffecting them. What is important is to always remember that we all need to have confidence in ourselves and not worry about appearances.

If appearance was all that mattered, this would be a pointless blog. However, appearance is always only on the surface. Reality is deeper and that is the important part. Since the only thing that can actually effect anything else is the real person then that should negate the "fear." We have no need to worry about other's perceptions. If we always worried then nothing that matters would ever be accomplished for "fear" of letting others down. However, if we have self confidence then we never have to worry about what others think and we will realize that the real person we are is what has a lasting impact on the world around us. Never "fear" what others will think and wonder about you because all that is really important is that we are 100% true and honest with ourselves and others. If we do this then no matter perceptions about us the real person is always what will win in the end and have the critical impacts on us and our world to make life enjoyable.


Thursday, November 02, 2006

Being Alone

During my life I have come to many realizations about many different topics. One that I have realized is the need for a compliment. By use of this word I do mean getting an "attaboy" here and there. What I mean by compliment is having someone that completes you as a person, that becomes your match and missing half.

Those of you that have never experienced this I want you to know that once you finally find someone like this you will understand exactly what I am talking about. Now for those of you that have, everything I am about to say you may already know or have been told but it is always nice to hear it.

Every person in life I have talked to that has found their match tells me just how happy and joyful they are. I agree completely. Finding someone that can match up with you in most ever aspect is not just amazing, it can be viewed as a blessing and refreshing. However, unless you meet that one person that is the PERFECT compliment you are going to feel a lot of the same pain and heartache that I have experienced.

The main reason I'm writing this is cause I have the slight hope that there might be at least one person who reads this that is able to feel at least a little comforted if not reassured that things will get better.

The thing I have realized that with time there is always pain, but also always healing. There is no feeling like having someone be there for you at the drop of a dime. There may always be friends there for you, but the companionship and completeness you get from having someone there for you that is understanding and loving and caring is unmatched by any other feeling. It is an natural born instinct that you get in life to want someone else to be there for you and take are of you. However, sometimes you can lose that person and feeling. And that is the thing I wanted to talk about.

Pain is always in our lives in one way or another. We can never fully avoid it in this world. However, we all need to remember that we cannot let it consume us. There is always the right that we have to feel hurt and mourn and "cry" in our own ways. The only thing that I would like to impress upon those hurt souls is that time will fix it. I can't tell you that it will HEAL ALL because anyone that says that is giving you a line. I have been broken up with my fiance now for 14 months...however, I still think of her and long for the feelings and companionship I had when I was with her. Since then I have gone through many girlfriends, and I ahve hurt many women along the way. I cannot undo this and I'm sorry for causing them the pain in the first place. The problem though is that I keep going through them so that I can get that feeling back.

There is no way we can ever go back or get back that exact same feeling. What we need to do is let the pain ease away. There will be someone in the future we will all find. We will each find that someone that makes us feel like there is always going to be happiness and joy. We will fight like cats and dogs with this person, and we will make up like the best of friends. The main thing we need to remember until then is to stay by your closest friends. Whether you are in love or just need a person there for the moment, those true friends stay by you til you find that perfect match.

I wish I could undo every hurt and tear that everyone else and myself have gone through. Since I am really no one important and this isn't read by many, I would like my true friends to know that I am here for you. I am the one that you all have for that one moment that you need someone. When everything is wrong and you need a shoulder, I'll be that one phone call away. I can't promise I'm going to be that compliment we all need but I can tell you that since now and again I need it, I will be there day and night. I have been there to go through the pain and want no one else to. But what is most important is that within time, you will heal enough to get over that lost person and move on to someone that won't be the same but in their own way will be better for you because they will be that forever and match up with you 100%.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The Road Not Taken

So I was thinking about the post that I posted prior to this one. Sometimes when you make that choice that needs to be done it doesn't seem right. People may judge you, as if it is there right, because you make the right choices. The right choice is not always the most preferred one. Sometimes it is less saught after because less people now choose the most morally and ethically correct paths in life. With that thought in mind, I would like to post a poem by my favorite poet. This poem is not my favorite by him, however, it is one of the most widely known and one of the most rellevant poems to the topic.

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


Sometimes in life I think that it is important to except important transitions in one's life. I am not saying that everytime there is a chance to change your life you need to take it. I am saying that I think it is important that when there is critical or at least semi-critical junction in one's life that is should be, at minimum, highly considered.

During life it is always hard to understand and correctly "assume" which path it is we are to take. However, that doesn't mean that any of us should ever fear chance. Life is completely unpredictable and is undefined. There should never be the idea considered that everything is predestined for us, otherwise we wouldn't have to worry and stress when it comes to making "decisions". We each choose our own paths in life that have their own consequences and if it was predestined those wouldn't exist because we wouldn't need to be punished for something that we didn't choose.

Take my life as an example...

I may not be the most experienced person in life, however, I have lived plenty and experienced much. I have gone through almost every scenario that I could possibly have time for in my short lived life. I am approaching 24 and, unfortunately, dont' have much to show for it. I have put myself in to extreme debt and trouble. Everything from being a devout Christian, to a person who appears to be almost the most unspiritual and "dirty" person among my friends.

Consequences have been caused because I have made many poor decisions. Here is my opportunity to make the needed decision regarding what path in life I need to take now. I have been given the chance to make personal and spiritual amends with myself and decide a on correct path. I have lived a fairly selfish life thusfar. I have made sure that what I have wanted and thought I needed...I have got. These poor decidsions have had consequences that affected those around me that I love and hold dear for me. For this I am truely sorry.

One can never undo what has been done during that person's life. However, we are always able to learn from these previous decisions. If what we chose to call mistakes in our lives exist, the only way to get "justice" would be to make a thorough self examination of the paths we have chosen and decide that next time a similar situation presents itself we make the appropriate choice.

I am not sure if I am using this time as a way of apologizing publicly or of just coming off like I am ranting, however, I would like to make one thing clear. Since I preach it I am required to follow it. I have make the decision that I will not be there to make the wrong path choice again. I am not going to be frivolously wasting my time or money in the future. I have done what I can to make sure that I have furnished my materialistic desires with the nicer things in life. Abercrombie clothes, Sapphire crystal watch, electronic toys, and the list goes on. In my future I plan on these things not being what is the most important to me.

Due to too many bad choices in my life I have used people and abused what could have been friendships, as well as not doing what is common knowledge. This has ruined my career choice and got me a kid on the way. I am not going to regret ever having a child. And anyone that hints that I will gladly correct. However, now I am going to miss out on many other things I could have enjoyed at a young age. Now, I get to make the critical path choices. I can either go on like I didn't learn anything from my prior choices, or I can chose maturely. I can realize that despite many mistakes I can always correct them in the future. I can choose to make mature choices apart my money, my time and my career.

Not that I am being a martyr here in any way. However, like I said this can be viewed as both a learning example and an apology. To those that read this that fall into the catagory of those I hurt, I am truely sorry. I wish I had not done the things that hurt and abuse each of you. To those that are just reading this and just getting to know me, I am glad you allowed me this time. It benefits me and you. First it benefits you in two ways: (1) You can learn from my mistakes if you remember me, and (2) This helps to give incite as to what kind of person I truely am and not other perceptions. For me there are also two benefits: (1) I am allowed to confess and apology for what I have done wrong, and (2) I am given the chance to put in writing a contract with myself that I will take the time to learn from my own choices and make a transition into my future that I, my friends, and my new family can be proud of.

Thank you for your time,
Adam McDowell

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Blog revisions

If you haven't noticed I have spent a lot of time recently on my blog. Additions across the board, and now I have another.

I have embedded an RSS feed from CNN in the upper right corner. It will cycle through the Top Stories being displayed on the website. The feed will have the last 5 stories listed.

Also there is, unfortunately, advertisements now on my page. Good news is that I hid it in the bottom right hand corner. It is easy money, wouldn't all of you put it on your blog as well? :)

Last addition is to the other blogs I have running linked on the right. Both of them are being updated daily or every other day and also match this page. Each will have an RSS feed from a site on a similar topic.

Enjoy...and keep watching for more updates.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Dashboard Confessional

I think it is time for an attaboy for the Dashboard Confessional. This is hands down my favorite band. Only band that is versatile enough to go back and forth 100% between full band sound and acoustic. Never loosing a beat or note in the transition.

Dashboard Confessional

Check out their site to see their newest music. It is back to the full band sound and is wonderfully done. Dusk & Summer and Stolen are going to join Screaming Infedelities and Brilliant Dance as some of their best.


More I kept looking at my blog more I finally realized that I was too quiet.

So here you go all...finally some music.

Inside of the "LINKS" column on the right I'll post a Music Video. I'll change it up regularly. Since it is the link section though click on the link above the music video to jump your way over to the site where I find all my videos.



So I am finally employed again. Wow I'm not going to be broke anymore. I start on November 6, 2006 at Verizon Wireless. Training is gonna suck at 8 hours a day 5 days a week for 3 weeks in Beaverton. But come on I know enough already about VZW and their phones I can probably coast. Anyway...all you out there with VZW or that need new phones hit me up :)

Friday, October 27, 2006




Goodbye MYSPACE!!!


I have pretty much shut mine down. I think it would be best if everyone did the same. Aside from the generic meeting up with old friends and expressing your personality, I think it is unnecessary.

I am shut mine down for the simply reason that I have come to the realization that I don't need to have everyone involved in my personal life. Majority of people don't truely care about you anyway. Out of them I now understand too that 90% or so will not even be around to care in a few more years. Those that honestly do care will check with you as a person...not your postings that just generalize.

Now that I needlessly vented you will understand why I have decided to kill MySpace.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Perceptions Of A True Self

Poetic expression in my opinion is one of the truest and most sincere ways of getting across emotions and feelings and views.

Here is the first poem I have written in a long time, with many to follow I suppose.

Perceptions Of A True Self
Traipsing through dreams of better times and hopes
I remember a time non existent and forgotten.
Feelings and emotions reaping pain and sorrow.
Why is the reward of not being a brute pure tragedy?

I can stop the hurt but at a loss of my true self.
All that matters is that I disguise my real self.
It isn’t important who you really are.
All the really matters is that you are who you are perceived.
Is that what we need?
Is that who you truly want to be?
I don’t need to feel because I am not me.
I just need to callous over my true self for everyone’s well being.

What if I was my true self?
Would it hurt if I was a true person?
For once in life I would just like to be the real me.
Poetry, words, and thoughts aside to ignore their feelings.
I write my words out as blood spelling my life on the paper.
The oxygen and life flowing out onto the sheets
To put my entire life on paper for all to read.
I can feel the fake me dying out for the real to surface.
Breaching the top as the real person gasps for breath.

A new chapter opens for life
But there is always a new chapter.
Chapter after chapter every day is opened.
None ever really close so I stay the same
As I have always been for everyone else.
I am what they want me to be for them.
Their convenience is the importance.
I just closet away my real self.
I store the true me for what they want
Because reality doesn’t matter anymore.
I hide in my made up world of a different self.

I am not as important as their feelings.
I am only here for their needs and hopes.
Time to hide again…time to repress the real me.
I can crawl in to that imitation of reality.
Hiding amongst their perceptions,
I put away what is real and important for everyone.
I become again what they want not reality.

Reality dies and is buried not 6 but 12 under.
I do the digging and burying this time and willing kill this self.

Thursday, September 14, 2006


woohoo i am broke....just bought a new lappy AND a new toshiba dlp big screen...57" ;)

Friday, September 08, 2006

Real resurrection

This is the real deal this time.

Instead of just saying I am resurreting my blog such as before now it will actually happen. This will include updates in life/love/work/and play. This means you will all also get updates about the going-ons @ The Alley Nightclub since it is the up and coming new hotness in Salem.

Hit me back with any opinions, questions, comments, and electronic reviews you want. I will most like have updates everyday or every other depending on how busy I get. There will also be links to myspace, Pyrobling, as well as vice versa.