sleeping angel

Laying there pretending to sleep
I sneak a glance as she softly breaths...
An angel sent to bless my soul
despite the reproach I have come to know.

Careful not to wake
the creature breathing gentle next to me...
I lean over to those lips,
And steal just a single kiss.

Lips soft and unaware
Of the sensation they pass unto me.
I may not sleep anymore
for fear of waking and this dream disappear.

But just as I feel the warmth
Of her skin brushing gently against mine...
My eyes flutter once...
Twice.....and sleep steals my angel.

Words Unsaid but Felt

the tragedy is of words unspoken
dreams not embraced
hopes not met
the simples acts of communicating
it would have saved such heartache, dissatisfaction

why not tell the thoughts created?
fleeting and returning inconsistently streaming together
the man is always known to act
the woman to feel...
would it have been so hard to try it?
missing her now for not acting.....

if only to have acted in words
to have guided the flow to something verbal
anger, hurt, fear, and uncertainty
these thoughts tidal wave out

simply wrong
why not express the known and inevitable
messed up, incorrect and not retractable
the stream of wrong thoughts would dry up,
if only to have said those words, "i'm sorry"

Black Friday

Oh the spoils of shopping on black friday. I may look like a thug with the fur part attached but damn you have no idea how warm I am right now. It's like my own personal oven.

Book Recommendation

So I have never recommended a book on here before, but I guess there is always room for additions to the general theme of the blog. Not necessarily sure if it matters to anyone else, however, I have a new time consumer that is oddly enough a self-help.

Yeah I know I am normally pretty arrogant and cocky, but this is something I went to the bookstore for of my own accord....

COUPLE SKILLS MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

This is basically an overall compilation of works and studies on different ways to improve you relationship in any stage. I normally hate opinions in my business, but this time everything seems to be fairly sound.

The anger issues I have and what sparks it was a addressed accurately and helpfully. Same with communications. Pick and relationship topic and this book will address it in a non-acussitory and with hands-on application with a good time line to see results. The best overall part would have to be that the book is not designed as a cover-to-cover read...you are instructed to hop around as needed for the part that you need at the moment.



Give it a try if you would like to "improve" your relationship in anyway whether problems or now...definite recommendation!

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Breakfast

Why McDonald's sausage biscuit you ask....because sausage BALLS would be too hard to cook...duh! LOL that's for you Amanda.

Quote

Now I don't remember where I heard this but it has to be the best quote I have ever heard and I just need to post it by itself...

<B>The glass is neither half-full, nor half-empty...
It is merely double the size it needs to be.</b>

Everything in life is relative and needs to be viewed that way. Remember life changes day to day and even if it is at a low point now it will be at a high point tomorrow.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Learning from life

Slowly and steadily in life we all have to learn from our mistakes and trials. We need to learn from the good as well as from the bad.

I have just begun to learn how to listen to others and improve my current situation and outlook on life. I never really suffered from any form of depression. However, I did have a problem for a number of years with letting things get the best of me and bring me down. This is finally starting to change due to the positive influences around me. For those of you out there you know who you are and I thank you.

Without a doubt most of you can probably figure out the most important and influential person in my life...my beautiful and amazing fiancee. Those of you that have not met Cassie yet I feel you are missing out and hope you can soon. If not for this wonderful woman I don't believe I would have made it to this point in my life on my own, and for this I give her a special thanks.

Everyone has heard the expression 'when lifes gives you lemons make lemonade.' I don't believe this to always be the case...there is more to it then just the lemons. You have time, effort, motivation, and tools that you will need along the way. If you don't have the correct ingredients then you will just have really sour lemon juice. I feel it is the same in life...without the right people and opportunities you don't have the ability all the time on your own to improve your situation. I feel that everyone around me are those ingredients and tools needed.

I have had great ups and majors downs in life... Recently I lived on couches and even in my car a few nights, but everyone stuck by me. I had my family, though under appreciated they may have been at the time, as well as a handful of true close friends. When I would let my "depression" as it seemed get the worst of me they helped me back up onto my feet and set me straight. This is something that everyone needs to remember...they are just a thought away most times.

I have recently came across an awesome phrase I would like to share that I cannot remember where I got it from......

<B>THE GLASS IS NEITHER HALF-FULL NOR HALF-EMPTY,
IT IS MERELY DOUBLE THE SIZE IT NEEDS TO BE</B>

The more I think of this line the more sensible it seems to be to me. There is no need to look at life pessimisticly or optimistically because it is all relative to your surroundings and environment. You are looking at the good or bad in things you are looking at the environment and how it is making your life seem good or bad. You make or break your situation.

I have finally decided that if my glass were half its size then I would have a full glass. So with that thought the only thing needed to worry about is that my glass would be the here and now. This is what I would like everyone else to realize, there is no reason to "get down in the dumps" if it is only for the moment and then you blink and its the past. It would almost be better off to view the glass as slightly too big.

If we all look at this then we have room for our goals and hopes and can see our glass as almost full and not have any reason to be depressed. Cassie has given me this view on things recently...

She is creative, motivated and determined. This is everything I need in my life and around me to keep my head up in all types of current adversity. Since starting to look at everything this way I have been able to find a home with a good friend willingly to help me out. I have been able to give her what little support she needs when her glass seems to look too big at the moment. For being able to do this it helps my glass seem smaller and thus more full.

My friend I call my Twin has been somewhat the same. When she is by herself and feels alone in Montana I know I can fill her glass a bit by a simple call or text. Every time something like this opportunity presents itself my glass seems to shrink and fill a bit more

My family, whom I wish I could make happier, is probably the most difficult for me at the moment. They have so many hopes and expectations for me at times the glass again seems to large. However, just looking at what they see as the positives helps as well. I know they love and care for me...my immediate and extended (that's you Alicia)...all help build me up for just that little extra so that I can make it through. I appreciate all of you and love you dearly...if ever I can repay the favor I am only a call away.

Now that you have all had a moment to glance at my glass and see where the water is I hope all of you can ponder over your situations and realize it is not so tough. Things are only relative and will improve in time. If any one of my friends ever needs me I am always able to help and fill your glass if I am able to. There are only so many chances in life that we get to make things better for ourselves and others and I would like to repay the favors. To all of you I hope the best...

and Cassie for everything you have done and will do as my wife I love and thank you.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Movies

Nightmare before Christmas 3-D with my fiancee Cassie....yes we are both nerdy but love the wanna-be RayBan 3-D glasses.

Paintballs

figured why not ressurrect my blog again with something painful and realistic...this is what happens when you take 77 paintball shots to the chest.

Lost in thought

Most times when I post a blog on this main page I have some sort of base to start off of or some "deep" thought. For once...I do not. I just thought I would start of with a clear and open mind and see where it leads me.

Throughout my last few weeks I have yet again experienced many a broad range of things. I have been in yet another pointless relationship that ended as quickly as it had started. Work pushes me forward still with long days and low pay. Insomnia slowly takes over my nights and blends them into my morns only to repeat its horrid circle hours later.

Yet pondering my last couple of months since my last post I find that I do learn a couple of new things...

Life yet again moves on. Each endless day passes into yet another in this "cycle" of life. I stop to think to myself my reason for living and being and actions. What do I find? Every second that passes on where I am accomplishing getting by leaves me feeling like I have not nor ever accomplish anything.

I have acctually come to the realization that the depression that others feel and the lack of being is really an inspiration to me. My depression should drag me down but seems everyday to fuel the exact opposite. Each time I sit down and ponder things I drag myself down and of course get more depressed. However, oddly enough, as fast as I drag myself down I seem to boost myself back up.

Looking back overthe few years that I have lived so far I find that I have learned and experienced much. Surprising to think about now I have most likely experienced more in my few short years of existence than most people do in their entire lives. I have been at both extremes of life as well. One end wholesome and obedient, the other a drunk and using drugs looking for the next good time.

What I write now I am writing as a thank you to those that seeing me through all of this still see some kind of hope for me. They tell me my potential and also what they know I am capable of. Forgetting where I have been and what I can do I still can't see what they see. I have a tendency to let the little things build up and bring me down....however I still know what they say and I do listen to it. It may be difficult for me to understand it but it is remembered.

I promise all of you that this applies to....one day you will be right. I will eventually stumble onto that path you all tell me I will find. One day I will miraculously luck out and be able to do whats right. In the meantime all I ask is for you to keep telling me what you have all along and tell me to keep doing my best. Eventually, success will happen whether I let it or not and things will change.

Thank you.

Experience....

So who was it that said experience is the best teacher? I don't personally know, but I do think that man should be shot. Not to sound bitter but why is it that being hurt, or heartbroken, or thrilled have to be the best teacher?

Do we really need to experience things on our own and see the troubles in life to realize what the right or wrong answer to something truly is?

I am taking this moment to thank my parents, first, and anyone else who has given me instructions or incite in life. I am the first to admit I am 100% stubborn and probably don't even listen half the time. However, I want them all to know that their words are as sweet as honey and have not gone unheard. To listen and to hear I feel are 2 different things.

Everyone can listen....all it truly requires is for us to stare at the person with a blank look and give an occasional uh-huh. Just kidding, but when we are the person giving the advice it sometimes feels that way. I do feel that listening doesn't always mean applying or acting on those instructions. The main reason that anyone ever tells us these important things anyway is merely to help us. What is important is for us to hear it...

Here is where I feel that experience, although we can learn from our past, can take a backseat. When we truly listen to those who love and care about us we aren't just sitting there nodding...we are hearing and taking to heart what is said to us. What good would it be for people to share their knowledge if it was to just fall on deaf ears? Not only be it would and insult to the person sharing the knowledge with us, but it would also be foolish on our part to sacrifice words of wisdom for experience every time.

Now I'm not saying that we never need to experience life, however, there are sometimes when we don't need to go through the pain of experience when another alternative is offered. How many times can you count when you know that you shouldn't do something and did it anyway just to experience it knowing it was going to have bad consequences?

So enough negative, and back to my point. Thank you to everyone that has given me advice in life to try and save me the troubles of learning on my own. Just remember even though you probably thought I was only listening I did hear what you said and I appreciate it.





Just thought I would share a painting in this blog from one of my favorite artists, Thomas Kinkade.

Song

Just posted up a new song for everyone since I haven't put a new one on in awhile.

This is fairly fitting on the lyrics since it describes most of my relationships. It's not 100% accurate but still it is fairly dead on. Listen to it if you haven't....

Omarion, Ice Box.

Finally updated

I finally sat down and updated the Electronic's section of my blog with a review of the Motorola Q and the new EV-DO Rev A PCMCIA aircard model number AC595. Be sure to check it out.

-A

trepidations

The feeling of alarm or dread.....in the plural.

With everything that has occurred in my life I CONSTANTLY have dread. Never can I figure out which answer is the correct one and how to stick with it. Throughout growing up and experiencing life we all make choices and decisions that affect not only ourselves but all others. I choose one thing to make myself feel happy and then I hurt a dozen others. I choose something they want and I bring myself down into depression.

Is there anything in life that you can choose that makes 100% of everyone happy? I know the right answer, but what if you can never live up to your decision? The problem isn't so much the choosing correctly as it is the letting everyone down if you even falter in your steps not to mention just messing up a little.

I have told many people many promises and unfortunately I have let almost all of them down. There is a time in everyone's life when they need to come to grips with what they have done and make amends with the people they have wronged. The next important step will be to actually LEARN how to change AND THEN CHANGE.

Now there is no way that any of us can undo what we have done in the past but we can all learn how to not repeat ourselves. If there is something that we can do that is right, and we know it why not act on that for once? Whether or not people in my past believe me when I promise them that things will be different I thought I would just let them know anyway that I will be working on it as much as possible in the future.

I know what is right and wrong, now I just need to make sure that I do what I promise and follow through. Like anything in life we all need to make sure we think before we act. Of all people this is most applicable to me. I am making it my main goal to make the right decisions and not hurt those important to me anymore.

Been busy

Sorry just been really busy lately and haven't been really able to post this last month or so.

I know I don't have many readers, however, those of you that do read this and the few guests I get just thought I would let you know I am bringing this back to life.

Be sure to check out the Electronics blog link on the right because I'm gonna start dumping lots of electronics in there including phone reviews and review on the REV A Air Card through VZW I am now sporting.

-A