My shoes don't fit

Do you ever have those days and moments when nothing fits right? Everything just seems off, and despite all you try and endure the whole gets deeper and not shallower?

No person is ever able to really go through life and fully understand another no matter how close and how similar each person's life experiences are, nor how different they may be. Two people alike in almost every noticeable way may have the exact same outcomes in life, and yet still you will see differences in reactions and feelings and emotions in each. It is always nice to tell someone if you only could walk in my shoes. Be there for just one day and see what it feels like to be me. It is a great phrase to sometimes just shut someone up, but better yet to shut someone out. People are made to naturally care for others and be concerned with what is going on in someone dear to them's life. Yet, there are always limitations.

When of the strongest emotions as person will ever experience is love. Be it something not so meaningful...a career, car, or pet. Then again, there is also the exact opposite experience. The one that is completely undescribable...the Oxford dictionary attempted to define it as:
"Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection."
So bland and blah and for lack of a better word to describe an emotion, and 'emotionless' description. Why did I bring this up? Because you may have the person the knows you so well, loves you so much and still, they may not fully know how you feel or react or are handling one of life's challenges.

The strangest things can have some of the biggest effects on us. Loss of a job, isolation from loved ones, or unspeakable worse. However, when first thoughts jump into your head, I am asking you to dismiss those thoughts because that is not what I mean just yet. I am only using an example to get across my point. People can love us completely and when it comes to a certain circumstance not know us at all no matter how insignificant that experience may or may not be. People are created as emotional creatures that can gain attachments and empathetic feelings to each other in the blink of an eye that we sometimes can not explain. This allows us, though not knowing the feeling of walking in someone else's shows to have our hearts go out to them when we have never been down a road near as similar.

Just because we may not feel right or another person may not feel right doesn't change some of those basic few facts. We need to each learn how to better not ourselves or other people because of this, but to better our relationship with them. Everyone cares about someone and is cared for. What if you don't know their true emotions or they have shut you out from a part of them? They isn't going to change how you feel or what you feel for that person, in fact you may feel stronger in that conviction. If it is something that is effecting that person so strongly wouldn't it be better to try harder to understand them? Communicate openly no matter about what or whom. What if you are just lonely and depressed? Reach out...if the person you are reaching to isn't there for you find and alternative route. Someone that may not have had any experience like yours may be just that one person that loves you enough that they will be just what you need in a situation that no other person would be able to console you in.

So, our shoes may not necessarily fit us. They surely will not fit any other person. However, whatever 'size' our life may be right now, we aren't alone in our experiences. We need that human emotion and connection to truly be just that, human. We should always be willing to let those that love us know as much as we are able to share with them. Not so much how much we can describe it, but how much we can handle sharing. Don't hold back, because what if that person that you need is the person that has the right things needed for your shoes and life to fit better.




-----Sorry first thing I have written in a little while and it poured out randomly on it's own. I tried to keep it as organized as possible. If something didn't make sense let me know and I'll correct it.


-MAC

--reputations--

Here is the second draft of a poem I am going to call reputations...if
you can think of another name please feel free to volunteer a new
name...

I am also unsure if I have finished this one or not...if something
does not sound right or you have a suggestion to alter and improve it
feel free to let me know :) THANKS!

-A

--reputations--
i wake to a white cleanliness on the world.
fresh appearances cloth the reality beneath,
what appears changed is nothing but a blanket.
turning inward there is a revelation of self.
a powdery snow of inner changes on outer realities.
bleaching of emotions...
a purifying of one's thoughts...
the child of our yester-years let out to play.

like snow, the visible melts.
people gradually forget the changes, but purposely erase the thoughts.
light dusting and visible altering transparent,
impressions stay intact to untrained eyes.
however, just because melted away it doesn't mean gone.
just as snow turns to water,
That water drains into our physical consciousness,
our being and virtuous ego.

ignorant minds see outward what was there,
they do not know the changes and differences.
minds and actions altered,
manipulated into improvements.
the landscape and facets of your being made new.
outsiders stay in their warm environments away from the cold,
not wanting the climate change,
they watch from windows of judgment.

once molded and crafted, permanently changing.
no way to alter the true mind and deeds.
what good to let changes snow on your personality?
what worth to make clean our mental world?
despite those uncaring,
against uninformed opinions...
we each seasonally clean our make-up and character.
we attempt to form and shape a new REPUTATION

untitled

love is the heart's treachery.
the secretly wanted deceiver
the Judas that we all run to.
despite that view, it us still earnestly craved.
each beat of the heart,
each pulse, one step closer...
one bit of life more fulfilled.
each of us wanting what knowingly hurts
the temptation too great
longing too strong to deny.
each time we submit is for the best,
hoping against hope that no pain this time.
beaten down time and again it goes on.
the strongest muscle in our bodies,
yet the weakest when pain rears its head.
not calloused and cold to protect itself.
the shadow of deceit
the veil that trust covers the heart with
emotions making think no pain to come,
reality proves the traitor will show.
trying each time to love unparalleled,
but knocked down off its feet repeatedly.
betrayed for caring and letting walls down,
for wanting to trust,
and deceiving the heart's guard.
treacherous for being a traitor,
hurt for not hurting,
lied to for not lying,
bruised for not trampling on.
one day that unearned trust rewarded
in time the treachery non-existent.
100 times wronged for 1 time not.
for not callousing over to not be wronged
no ransom from the mind
it knows the pain comes,
yet requires nothing of the heart
emotions win on their own.
no sacrifices required by mind from heart.
both teaming up against the deceiver
one leans on the other for support.
mind hoping against hope,
heart wanting against reason...
each remembers yet deliberately forgets.
there was never 30 pieces of silver,
there was never a lie before
what each thinks back on, just a story
no treachery existed...
just love unabounded and true...
and the heart opens to it.

sleeping angel

Laying there pretending to sleep
I sneak a glance as she softly breaths...
An angel sent to bless my soul
despite the reproach I have come to know.

Careful not to wake
the creature breathing gentle next to me...
I lean over to those lips,
And steal just a single kiss.

Lips soft and unaware
Of the sensation they pass unto me.
I may not sleep anymore
for fear of waking and this dream disappear.

But just as I feel the warmth
Of her skin brushing gently against mine...
My eyes flutter once...
Twice.....and sleep steals my angel.

Words Unsaid but Felt

the tragedy is of words unspoken
dreams not embraced
hopes not met
the simples acts of communicating
it would have saved such heartache, dissatisfaction

why not tell the thoughts created?
fleeting and returning inconsistently streaming together
the man is always known to act
the woman to feel...
would it have been so hard to try it?
missing her now for not acting.....

if only to have acted in words
to have guided the flow to something verbal
anger, hurt, fear, and uncertainty
these thoughts tidal wave out

simply wrong
why not express the known and inevitable
messed up, incorrect and not retractable
the stream of wrong thoughts would dry up,
if only to have said those words, "i'm sorry"

Black Friday

Oh the spoils of shopping on black friday. I may look like a thug with the fur part attached but damn you have no idea how warm I am right now. It's like my own personal oven.

Book Recommendation

So I have never recommended a book on here before, but I guess there is always room for additions to the general theme of the blog. Not necessarily sure if it matters to anyone else, however, I have a new time consumer that is oddly enough a self-help.

Yeah I know I am normally pretty arrogant and cocky, but this is something I went to the bookstore for of my own accord....

COUPLE SKILLS MAKING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WORK

This is basically an overall compilation of works and studies on different ways to improve you relationship in any stage. I normally hate opinions in my business, but this time everything seems to be fairly sound.

The anger issues I have and what sparks it was a addressed accurately and helpfully. Same with communications. Pick and relationship topic and this book will address it in a non-acussitory and with hands-on application with a good time line to see results. The best overall part would have to be that the book is not designed as a cover-to-cover read...you are instructed to hop around as needed for the part that you need at the moment.



Give it a try if you would like to "improve" your relationship in anyway whether problems or now...definite recommendation!

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Breakfast

Why McDonald's sausage biscuit you ask....because sausage BALLS would be too hard to cook...duh! LOL that's for you Amanda.

Quote

Now I don't remember where I heard this but it has to be the best quote I have ever heard and I just need to post it by itself...

<B>The glass is neither half-full, nor half-empty...
It is merely double the size it needs to be.</b>

Everything in life is relative and needs to be viewed that way. Remember life changes day to day and even if it is at a low point now it will be at a high point tomorrow.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Learning from life

Slowly and steadily in life we all have to learn from our mistakes and trials. We need to learn from the good as well as from the bad.

I have just begun to learn how to listen to others and improve my current situation and outlook on life. I never really suffered from any form of depression. However, I did have a problem for a number of years with letting things get the best of me and bring me down. This is finally starting to change due to the positive influences around me. For those of you out there you know who you are and I thank you.

Without a doubt most of you can probably figure out the most important and influential person in my life...my beautiful and amazing fiancee. Those of you that have not met Cassie yet I feel you are missing out and hope you can soon. If not for this wonderful woman I don't believe I would have made it to this point in my life on my own, and for this I give her a special thanks.

Everyone has heard the expression 'when lifes gives you lemons make lemonade.' I don't believe this to always be the case...there is more to it then just the lemons. You have time, effort, motivation, and tools that you will need along the way. If you don't have the correct ingredients then you will just have really sour lemon juice. I feel it is the same in life...without the right people and opportunities you don't have the ability all the time on your own to improve your situation. I feel that everyone around me are those ingredients and tools needed.

I have had great ups and majors downs in life... Recently I lived on couches and even in my car a few nights, but everyone stuck by me. I had my family, though under appreciated they may have been at the time, as well as a handful of true close friends. When I would let my "depression" as it seemed get the worst of me they helped me back up onto my feet and set me straight. This is something that everyone needs to remember...they are just a thought away most times.

I have recently came across an awesome phrase I would like to share that I cannot remember where I got it from......

<B>THE GLASS IS NEITHER HALF-FULL NOR HALF-EMPTY,
IT IS MERELY DOUBLE THE SIZE IT NEEDS TO BE</B>

The more I think of this line the more sensible it seems to be to me. There is no need to look at life pessimisticly or optimistically because it is all relative to your surroundings and environment. You are looking at the good or bad in things you are looking at the environment and how it is making your life seem good or bad. You make or break your situation.

I have finally decided that if my glass were half its size then I would have a full glass. So with that thought the only thing needed to worry about is that my glass would be the here and now. This is what I would like everyone else to realize, there is no reason to "get down in the dumps" if it is only for the moment and then you blink and its the past. It would almost be better off to view the glass as slightly too big.

If we all look at this then we have room for our goals and hopes and can see our glass as almost full and not have any reason to be depressed. Cassie has given me this view on things recently...

She is creative, motivated and determined. This is everything I need in my life and around me to keep my head up in all types of current adversity. Since starting to look at everything this way I have been able to find a home with a good friend willingly to help me out. I have been able to give her what little support she needs when her glass seems to look too big at the moment. For being able to do this it helps my glass seem smaller and thus more full.

My friend I call my Twin has been somewhat the same. When she is by herself and feels alone in Montana I know I can fill her glass a bit by a simple call or text. Every time something like this opportunity presents itself my glass seems to shrink and fill a bit more

My family, whom I wish I could make happier, is probably the most difficult for me at the moment. They have so many hopes and expectations for me at times the glass again seems to large. However, just looking at what they see as the positives helps as well. I know they love and care for me...my immediate and extended (that's you Alicia)...all help build me up for just that little extra so that I can make it through. I appreciate all of you and love you dearly...if ever I can repay the favor I am only a call away.

Now that you have all had a moment to glance at my glass and see where the water is I hope all of you can ponder over your situations and realize it is not so tough. Things are only relative and will improve in time. If any one of my friends ever needs me I am always able to help and fill your glass if I am able to. There are only so many chances in life that we get to make things better for ourselves and others and I would like to repay the favors. To all of you I hope the best...

and Cassie for everything you have done and will do as my wife I love and thank you.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile