Relationships

So I have another thing from my vast cavern of thoughts to waist you all's web space...

I constantly have had a problem with relationships from my first one when I was little and over time I have had plenty of practice with them.  I am great and then I am the worse.  I do something good and then I do something bad.  I know that everyone does in every relationship by why do I seem to get the most practice at it?

I understand that people have written countless books on the subject and there are papers and movies and everyone's opinion, but why can't two people seem to work everything out every time?

As long as I can remember I had a serious problem with communicating my emotions and explaining my thoughts.  I clam up, I get quiet, and I get standoffish you name it and I would probably do it so I would not have to come out with my feelings.  Everything for me changed though over time...I guess I was always a closet romantic or whatever you want to call it.  I totally believe that there is only one person for everyone else.  I don't however feel that everyone gets their one and only match.  People may go their entire lives and never meet that person or you may grow up with them your whole life and never meet them.  I am luck enough to have actually found my one and only person.

Here is my dilemma though, now that I have found her...what do you do to keep her and make the relationship and communicating and everything else work?  Just as I feel I finally have a reason to break my emotional silence barrier, there is still a problem with it.  We both have our different ways of communicating.  Now that I can do it, I can't again.  

There is always the want and never the can.  I have almost always managed to settle problems within 24 hours of having them...but finally I am helpless to do it.



Here is the funniest part, even with the helplessness and the lack of communicating correctly why is it that I still want to stay here?  I have found a hellish Utopia.  I have severe downs but my ups are so often that I can't get away from it.  Utopia is supposed to be a great paradise and perfect, why do I still like the hellish part.  I stick it out and I beat my head against the wall and I still stay with it because if I don't now, my life would crumble down.

Even though I would like to run and hide we all, I think, don't run and hide.  Every person likes to have this from my view.  People go back to the hunting for their match and looking for their special one and only.  The relationship cycle continues and books get written.  People's opinions get highlighted and bashed and praised and quoted and slammed.

What is the end result?  All of the ups and downs and goods and bad and problems when we find our special match that leads us into the relationship for life.  That choice gives us one final thing even with all of the problems....

....total happiness. :)